August 16, 2024
Dear Mom,
From a young age, I have always asked both you and Dad about the various scenes and feelings when I was born. Every time I hear about it, it brings me joy because my birth, my arrival, was the result of your eager anticipation and happiness. Your expressions in this regard are crucial for my self-identity, letting me know that my existence is a unique combination of circumstances from beginning to end.
It is through this understanding that as I observe myself and grow, I see many reflections of you, Mom. You have become a disciplined and organized person, scheduling time for tending to plants, exercising, meditating, shopping, walking, doing chores, reciting scriptures, and writing. Almost every week, you come to the Plum Village for practice. Throughout my journey of growth, I have witnessed your evolution from being impulsive to disciplined but rigid, to disciplined and flexible. I am proud of your growth, Mom, because I know the effort and sweat that went into this process.
You are someone who loves nature and animals deeply. Recently, when traveling with my husband’s family, two 7-year-old cousins clung to me, and as we walked together, I found myself easily introducing various plants and animals to them. Looking back, from childhood to now, exploring the outdoors as a family has always felt like an adventure. You always introduce us to different fruits, plants, and their names, and when encountering various animals, we show respect and say hello. Even when geese, cockroaches, or bats invade our home, you teach us to show respect and not harm them, even giving a proper burial to a deceased serpent. This compassion towards animals and plants has taught my brother and me to be compassionate towards all beings, big or small, and learn to coexist with them. Thanks to you, we have become children who embrace sunlight, rain, and soil, naturally connecting with nature. Even as we grow older, we have each chosen paths related to people and nature in our work and studies.
Mom, you are also someone who perseveres through repeated setbacks. Throughout your journey of growth, you have endured many injuries, pains, mistakes, and misunderstandings, which led you to the path of learning and practicing Buddhism. In this process, you have learned various methods, experiencing moments of peace and stability, but more often encountering turbulent times, uncovering your scars, seeing the suffering born from attachments and ignorance. Even though healing yourself requires shedding many tears and learning in areas where you are not proficient, changing entrenched habits, you have never given up. You continue to advance in your practice, viewing obstacles as opportunities for learning. You have shown me through your life that failures, setbacks, falls, and wounds are all part of a learning process. While there may be various forms of support and voices around, ultimately, one must face and embrace oneself, listen to their inner voice, transforming suffering into beautiful blossoms.
Every time I listen to your experiences of growth, I gain various insights. I used to expect that as parents, you would bear all my burdens, from emotional support during growth to life’s troubles and uncertainties, even in moments of confusion. However, when I got married and left home, looking back, this unmet expectation has made me more resilient, increasing my ability to handle pressure. Though at times I still long for support and the freedom of being a freerider, this longing drives me back to truly refreshing methods. I am grateful to be your daughter, friend, spiritual companion, and fellow practitioner in this life. If in the past, my words or actions have hurt you in any way, I apologize. Like you, I am also on a journey of growth, and being able to witness each other’s progress is a beautiful thing. We three will continue to